Learning about Patience through gardening – cliché? Maybe
“Patience is a person’s ability to wait something out or endure something tedious, without getting riled up. Having patience means you can remain calm, even when you’ve been waiting forever or dealing with something painstakingly slow or trying to teach someone how to do something and they just don’t get it.”
One of the worthiest characteristics one can posses is Patience. Yes, patience.It sounds easy because the word gets misused a lot. Nowadays the word or characteristic seems trivial, because we want to achieve our goals now, we want wealth now, we want relationships now, we want kids now, we want marriage now, we want businesses to succeed now, we want hundred thousands of followers (on social media) now, we want to be famous and well known now, we want to lose weight now, everything must be instant. A lot of what’s pushed for us to consume looks easy, flashy, fun, achievable and instant.
Have you ever listened to motivational speakers telling you “let your money work for you while you are sleeping”? but never really tell you how? This is how I see a lot of what we do looks like. We see end products, though we seldom see the behind the scenes, even when we do see the snippets of the behind the scenes we tell people “ooh you make it look so easy”, as if they have tried it and failed or found it difficult. We project our insecurities unto others, we give “constructive” criticism without having built anything,
As an entrepreneur, I am a go getter. In primary school I was complimented on speed, on exams I was the first to finish, especially on mathematic exams. This built my confidence in all other areas of my life. In fun games at home and with friends, I would calculate my moves to win a game fast and make the move, depending on how I calculated what would be the next move. This also applied in calculating losses. When writing an exam, I would know from the first questions if it’s a pass or a fail. And would make a move immediately. Suffice it to say, I had to learn that other areas of life do not work fast. They need time, care and abundance of persistence (if such exists in this context).
I suppose most of my frustration came from the delay or waiting for the things to be done by someone else, when I could have done it all by myself, this was a trigger for me. Although in my subconscious I knew that ‘what I view as sense of urgency for me, is not for others’ – however my conscious mind said “don’t wait, don’t beg, you can do this” – so I would not wait. I would execute. Romans 8 vs 25 in the bible says “But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.” – Exodus 14 vs 14 says “The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” – 2 Chronicles 15 vs 7 “But as for you, be strong and do not give up, for your work will be rewarded.” The writing has been on the wall for many of us for the longest of times, that patience is virtue, yet so many of us struggle with it. We have become hardwired for instant indulgences, either by marketers who seek to retain customers, or by our personal needs and wants, some of the times seeing others in the same age group having what we think, we too deserve but do not have. We seldom think ‘my time is coming’ or ‘we are not the same person therefore our journeys are not the same’.
Today we are submerged with advertisement that promotes envy of others’ lives, materialism which is pertinent to condition us to instant gratification. We want what others have, we see it, we want it. I once wrote the following on twitter (see picture below), because anything that seeks to promote the development of patience, endurance, hard work is mind-numbing or “not cool”.
We undermine the virtue of patience and long-term benefits. In job interviews companies ask us “where do you see yourself in five years?” – and for many, that has been an unwritten standard to plan and act for the next five years. We have 5yr-goals as long-term goals. We change careers or jobs in five years or less. As a result a lot of people are not mastering any role or skill. We laugh at people who have kept the same job for 10 years, even recruiters make the interviewees feel bad for staying in a certain job or position for 10 years, and so they move to a person who have two years of experience from different companies, well, in terms of learning about different work cultures, and moving fast that person wins. However, what is the unintended consequence of it all?
During the lockdown I was fortunate enough to start gardening, something I have always wanted to do. As a Cook, I have always wanted to produce my own fresh herbs and vegetables, however, there was no way I could with what I had. I vouch for a healthy lifestyle, I believe our Heavenly Father, God, the creator of all things in heaven and on earth has given us the intelligence and freedom of choice to be of service to others, to use all things He created for us to the best of our abilities for all who are alive and those who are to come.
With that said, gardening has taught me that, some of us (some people I know) and I) hardly see the behind the scenes of our own growth, but it doesn’t mean growth is not happening. I remember planting strawberries and tomatoes, I saw leaves having sprouted every time I woke up in the morning. I never saw the transitioning and growth with my naked eye, however growth was happening. All I needed to do was to nurture the plants, to be kind to them, to treat them well, by watering constantly, by fertilising the soil, and also by creating a conducive environment for them to grow freely.
Then every morning and every other day I will see growth of green leaves. Sometimes the leaves will die or brown, I would cut them up to remove them, and every time new leaves will grow. Few months later, I woke up and saw fruits sprouted, there were green tomatoes and strawberries. Weeks later they were red, juicy and ready to be harvested. I was so amazed, on how amazing God is. How incredible and mysterious nature is, as in, how does one just wake up and there are fruits to be harvested and eat?
I remember saying to myself “wait, this did not happen overnight, you worked for it. Remember the money you spent finding the right soil, the right fertiliser and losing hope sometimes, and the time you spent, the research and now these are the fruits” It was at this moment my epiphany about patience kicked in.
Then the season changed to winter and my tomatoes were no longer growing, the leaves were struggling to stay green and were withering. I had to learn new techniques to keep them alive. I learned about seasons. I learned that, this is not their season to blossom. Now I truly know the meaning of ‘everything is seasonal’. I have always known this since the death of my father, but that was from a point of pain, grief and trying to understand death. However, now it was a teachable moment, about life in general, about living with highs and lows of life.
Personally, I have faced a lot of challenges in life, some that never made sense and I know I am not the only one. And now I understand that, like gardening growth was happening at gradual stages, although unseen or unfavourable at times but growth only stops when I stop watering, when I stop fertilising, nurturing, caring and being kind. That’s when plants die, that’s when our dreams die. Because, we stop living. We don’t move on and away from what no longer serves us sooner.
In gardening there is such a thing as overwatering, which kills the roots, and plants die. In life, we sometimes overcompensate, by doing too much of this and that, without realising that, just by doing enough, we are good. By just eating enough, loving enough, caring enough and being patient enough all things will and are working in our favour.
Through gardening I have learned that I cannot control everything, and control anyway is just an illusion. I just need to be patient and trust the process, trust that transition and transformation is happening, whether I see it or not.
As a gardener or an amateur farmer I can plant, nevertheless, I cannot tell the sun to shine more brightly in which direction during the day. I remember having to root out my butternut roots because the leaves were dying, as I had planted it in an area where the sun does not shine brightly enough for it to get enough sunlight as required for it to grow. Lesson learned and appreciated. I have also learned that I cannot make it rain today and ever, for my garden to flourish the way I want, because I have to wait for the rain and I have no control over it. What I have control of is to do what’s necessary to plant the seeds and develop the virtue of patience through contemplation.
I am not a patience expect, or mastering it yet, however, upon reflection I have realised that impatience breeds a lot of disappointment that can be avoided. When we are impatient we experience moments of despair which can lead to mental health issues, such as suffering from anxiety or depression. Impatience can lead into unnecessary regrets, and/or broken relationships. It can also lead to the inability to master things. We have God given gifts and talents that require our patience and perseverance, now when we rush the process we miss the opportunities to learn, we miss honing our crafts. Actually, we insult God, we are saying to Him, ‘work on our time not yours’, but we go on our knees to pray “…… lead us not into temptation, let Your will be done”, while we take control of the wheel and want our own will to be done.
In conclusion, I do not think this is a trait one can say ‘I have it all figured out’, because as humans we get moments of weakness now and then, for whatever reason that’s equitable enough for us to act impulsively, push for answers now, and say sorry later. I believe, what’s important is to learn from our mistakes and keep getting up to do better than yesterday. I will definitely have moments of impulsive behaviour even after preaching to you about patience. I will unintentionally continue to make mistakes whether in business or personal life through my life cycle, although I will never stop learning from them.
So, if you find yourself having repeating a negative trait you thought you overcame, get up, learn and atone.
